About
Who Am I? (The Essential Question)
I am in the process of discovery of my True Self, my authentic Self, and I want to share that process with other women who are looking to slow down, live life more fully, and be more of who they truly are rather than the roles they play; women who want to find, in this fast-paced, frantic existence, a way to do less and be more (my mantra for some years now); women who want to make room for what really matters. I see this as a life-long process of becoming and integrating; not one I will figure out and master any time soon. It is about Being Who I Am Now, and nothing else. No apologies, no regrets, no turning back, no living for tomorrow; it’s all about today, what I have and who I am right now. Because I’ve come to see that’s all there is.
We women are more than the sum of our parts. Yes, we are many things to many people, and these are often roles we willingly take on, and sometimes not so willingly take on by default — if we didn’t do it, who would? There’s wife, mother, partner, friend, worker, teacher, student, healer, sister, daughter, organizer, chauffeur, leader, follower, artist, writer, coach, therapist, mediator, communicator, decorator, housekeeper, homemaker, gardener, cook and cheerleader, to name just a few that we women are familiar with.
But at our core, we are more than the roles we play. The roles don’t define us, or shouldn’t; we need to define who we are and what matters most and find a balance between living at peace with who we are and doing the things we are willing to do for ourselves and others. I find that it’s easier said than done. After some 50 years of living on this earth I am just now realizing that loving myself and living the way I want to live–in peace and in balance with myself and others–is of paramount importance.
I moved to North Carolina in July 2008 after 38 years of living in southern California. It was a huge shift, a seismic shaking of my foundations, but one that I was ready to make as my life as a California Girl seemed to be coming to a close. First, my husband, Rob, and I moved from Los Angeles in 1999 to a small mountain community called Pine Mountain, 60 miles north of L.A., to get away from the city. We lived in the midst of a beautiful national forest at over 5,000 feet elevation, enjoying all four seasons — a rarity in those parts — and a welcome retreat from the sameness and even grayness that came to dominate life in L.A.
Our little mountain community was a good place to raise our daughter from age 3 to 12. When we moved there we knew it would probably be good until she started entering her teen years when she would seek more community, friends, social activities and schools where she could really spread her wings and fly. In the meantime, Rob went back to school and got a college degree, going from being a full-time musician to a computer programmer and web developer (and still a musician). I continued my work as a Marriage Family Therapist (part-time) so I could be there for my daughter, my more important job. However, as my daughter grew and her needs changed, so did mine. I yearned for a deeper connection to myself and other women.
I have always been a seeker, an insatiable reader, a curious explorer, adventurer, investigator and idealist. I am part introvert and part extrovert. I craved connection with women, my sisters and friends, who had always been an important part of my life and life’s journey. No matter how many experiences with boyfriends, failed relationships, career struggles, the hard knocks of life, in struggles with health, and in the world at large, I have found that as long as I have my girlfriends, I have always felt safe and buoyed by their collective love and support.
I have been fortunate to have so many great women friends and teachers in my life, but then I have always valued their companionship and mentorship and sought it out. I think where I lacked the kind of nurturing mother I craved as a child, I sought this connection on an inner and outer level and created it for myself out of sheer need and desire. It has served me well and allowed me to connect with the Great Mother and many goddess archetypes from different cultures and traditions, which I have found to be a part of me and now see all about me, as reflected in the world; indeed, by Mother Earth, itself.
The nine years we lived in Pine Mountain were for me a period of intense growth and seeking of Self with a strong sisterhood, a powerful circle of women I found (or who really found each other) soon after I moved to the mountains. This circle has evolved over the years with some women more involved than others at different times (and for me, including another circle of friends I still connected with in Los Angeles). But the core group that developed and solidified has maintained a tight bond with one another and an investment in each others’ growth and development that will endure for the rest of our lives, withstanding the artificial barriers of time and distance. It is a path we will always walk together — and alone, as life necessitates.
There is something about that sacred mountain that the Chumash Indians considered the center of the universe that allowed us to walk a path where we learned and grew and became strong. Together we shared, explored, and deepened our understanding of healing, spirituality, Native American ways, shaman studies, goddess power, and the artist in all of us. Through it all, we shared, talked, journeyed, prayed, drummed, hiked, camped, communed, crafted, created, laughed, cried, cooked, ate, drank, played, danced, and hugged. They helped form me and are still a living, breathing part of my heart and soul.
My Soul Sisters, Teachers and Tribe
This was the hardest part of my leaving California, but even my soul sisters realized it was time — for me, and perhaps even for each of them, in time — to seek out our destinies. I was the first to go.
Rob and I felt the pull to leave California for many reasons, including a level of stress that we had hoped to escape by moving out of the city. Unfortunately, we still had to go to the city to work. We found ourselves resenting the hour plus drive back and forth from our mountain home to our places of work, and the rising cost of living, gas, housing, limited educational offerings, etc., just seemed to lead us to the inevitable conclusion that it was time to move on.
Rob grew up in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, a place known for its excellent schools and community-oriented way of life. We no sooner put it into our sights as a possible and viable goal than it materialized more quickly than we could have imagined. We came to Chapel Hill in May with Rob for a gig (a reunion of a local rock band, The Pressure Boys) and as I looked around, I thought, “I could live here. I could live here now.”
No sooner had I said the magic words, it seemed, than a friend offered us his house to live in for a year while he and his family lived in Europe, a job offer was made to Rob in the area, and we were able to rent our house in Pine Mountain and leave within three months. So here we are. It seems like it all happened within a blink of an eye. It feels right. I love the community here. I love the green that surrounds me. I love the moisture. I love the people and the culture and the ease of getting around by foot or bike, or short distances by car, if I have to. I love that we are close to family and friends, old and new.
I was also getting somewhat burnt out on my career as a Marriage Family Therapist, or at least in the way I was going about it, and felt the need to redefine and reinvent how I worked. I enjoy the role of therapist or facilitator of people’s growth. But I realized I was doing it from the outside in, instead of the inside out, following an old paradigm of insurance-based referrals instead of working with creative people who were inspiring to work with and who were truly interested in self-realization and greater conscious awareness. I realized I needed to be doing the work I love from who I am and what I do best: creating, facilitating, inspiring, nurturing, exploring, and having fun. I have found that when I nurture myself I can better nurture others and it’s a lot more enjoyable.
In my groups and workshops, I will be acting as both a guide and a participant so I can take part in the process and the women in my groups will come to know me as much as I will come to know them. That is the way I aim to be now. I want to connect with like women and bring some of the same joy, spirit, and creative exploration that I learned with my powerful circle of women, and in my own journey of discovery, to others. It is time to spread the wealth and expand the circle.
I bring to this work my own knowledge, experience and training in transpersonal psychology, including an understanding and exploration of Jungian psychology (symbols, dreams, archetypes, myths and stories); of Psychosynthesis, which seeks to integrate the different aspects of the Self, including those ornery sub-personalities along with the Higher Self, Spirit, or God/Goddess; of 18 years of doing individual, couples and family therapy as well as leading groups on relationships, communication skills, women’s issues (mothers and daughters, sexual abuse, creative workshops, and support groups) and some of the traditions of Native American shamanism and alternative healing I have learned along the way. I invite you to share this path with me and together learn to live each moment that we have more fully, passionately, and soulfully, connecting more deeply with ourselves and with one another.
Wow! I feel like I just read my own bio! There are so many similarities, synchronisities, and coincidences. I moved from San Diego three years ago to NC in search of a slower pace and a place to open a healing center for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. In embarking in my own healing process six years ago as a mother of small children in a world that didn’t understand, I became overcome with the purpose of ‘being the voice’ for the millions of women like me who needed a place to heal. Since then, I’ve had my fifth child, written two books, and recreated my practice of spiritual counseling, intuitive development, and emotional balancing. Art, intuition, and play are a big part of my workshops and classes, as are meditation and guided visualization. I hold the goddess aspect close to my heart and recently became aware that I’ve been channeling Gia and ancient civilizations. It is my focus now to gather the women, create the circle or women who will come together to bring healing to the world, to each other, to any soul we can touch. I offer many services at Peace Tree Village and we be honored and thrilled to meet with you and collaborate. The circle of women you talked about is something I’ve dreamed of creating for so long. Everything right now is about the goddess energy and the mother energy. It’s time to nurture collectively and find the strength to shine!
Hi, Rhonda. I’d love to get together and talk about our shared paths. Did you know I’m co-facilitating a playshop at Peace Tree Village on Jan. 31 on Creating Your Vision for 2010? I’m really wanting to get to know other women at Peace Tree and see what else I can do there to tap into the great energy and women who come there for healing.
Tonight I finished a month long novel writing contest (challenge to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days with the purpose of opening up to creativity and getting rid of the inner editor that stifles). On Nov 1 when the contest began, I chose two things for my writing desk. To the right of my computer screen is a little alabaster owl (I think owl chose me a long time ago and I always like having an owl or owl image around in my spaces). Peeking his jet black head and one insightful black bead eye around the left side of my computer screen is a crow (it is actually a Halloween decoration but I liked it so much I kept it out on my writing desk). I know a lot about owls but not as much about crows. So tonight when I finished my word quota for the contest and was sitting back in my desk chair looking at my little totems and reflecting on the past month, I thought I would look up crow and remind myself of some of its meanings. I did that and found some interesting stuff, but the coolest thing was when I was looking down the list of what google found for me when I typed in “crow Native American” (I didn’t have anything about an owl in my search), I saw the lead “owl & crow”…which happened to be a link to your post on them. I clicked on it and started reading and had to grin when I saw that you said that owl sits on your right shoulder and crow on your left (my owl sat at the right and my crow to the left all month this month). I enjoyed reading your insight into the two (I was going to post this there but comments were closed on that one), and thought I would share the bit of synchronicity. Good luck with everything you are doing!
Wow. My Mom was part Iroquois and it seems their belief is that the owl is a symbol of death because the owl, like death, often comes unexpectedly and without warning to the victim. I don’t think I’d want one on my shoulder.
Yes, it’s true that some tribes view the owl as a harbinger of death, however, there are other meanings attached to owl, including the ability to see in the darkness and to see things that others don’t through intuition and trusting one’s own inner voice. It could be said that death awaits all of us, and so is sitting on each of our shoulders. But I don’t tend to view death quite so literally so I am not superstitious about such things. Death also means change. We suffer many little deaths in life and if we fear the end of things, change, or loss, then we, in essence, fear life, for life includes death. I view the many little deaths that we suffer as necessary to our growth. Death allows rebirth. We are constantly resurrected if we don’t live in fear and allow the teachings we encounter on our journey to make us stronger.
Starla, thanks for your comments. God luck with your novel. That sounds like a wonderful challenge. Good for you for rising to it. It really helps to have totems with you when you create, doesn’t it? Many great artists and writers have spoken of their muses, the creatures or figures that they imagine as spurring them on. What may be important is for you to imagine what that little alabaster owl and the Halloween crow were saying to you or conveying by their presence. I love working with the imagination in this way and finding our own meaning as well as tuning in to the symbolic meanings that have been ascribed to them throughout time.